Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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