we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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