I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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