For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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