Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
