We won't sleep together?
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
