16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
