I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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