my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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