I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
