You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
