hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
