my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
