They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
