Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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