they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize