I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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