Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
