Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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