Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
