hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize