Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
People in love make me want to vomit
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We need to rekindle our bromance
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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