I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
