It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it hurts more in the daytime
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pooping to opera.
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