How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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