I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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