Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
