Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
