Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
