My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
thus making me awesome and them whores
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
