Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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