i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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