I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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