do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
