Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
