If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
