Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
