Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just found puke in my bra..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm at about main and main street
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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