im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
