someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
