So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
