I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Randomize
