im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
