I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't deserve a penis
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
