the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
