I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
