My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
