My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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