Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
