she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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