around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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