I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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