Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
