around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
