How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
