The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize