did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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