what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
