she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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