Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
