I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
