it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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