:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
