was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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