She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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