it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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