Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
