She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
