In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
