Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
