We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
