just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize