i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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