I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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