Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
