hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
