Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
