I think my vagina is haunted
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
