How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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