Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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