Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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