I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
