i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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