hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
