Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
