I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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