I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
