I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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