i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
