can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
