i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
