I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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