she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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