I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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