It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
